The Sex

18th October 2016

So this is one of the juicier topics that we will talk about, juicy in the sense of traditional taboos that are not spoken about. This post has sat in my drafts since mid June which is criminal but now we are rocking and rolling again with the series so stay tuned.

Our dads were asked one question…

” How did you find the making the baby part of having a baby?”

And as usual a little bit of context from the me to start.

Alice was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries which meant it could have caused issues with her fertility. With that in mind we thought we would take a year of just the usual (amazing) sex and see what happened and perhaps get some advice and study cycles etc if we hadnt had any success in that year. We had one chemical pregnancy that we lost in the second month and fortunately two months after that Alice was pregnant again.

Barring the chemical pregnancy miscarry I consider our journey to be relatively easy but i know there are horror stories of militant wives demanding sex at ungodly hours because an app says the fertility cycle is at its peak. I had friends in tokyo who were desperate to not go down the ivf route that they moved into the hotel next to the husbands office for 3 months so that he could come home 4 times a day during the peak days and have sex. I know thats an extreme but he talks about the way the sex became robotic and likened himself to a cow in the same way some mums do with breastfeeding.

So tell me about how it was for you, was their romance every time? were you conscious of the fact you were making a baby? did it become robotic? were quickies involved just to get a goal in before work or a long weekend away? What did it mean to you.?

Rich Willis-Hutchinson -So making a baby was the result of fortitiousness and planning. I think because of work timing and us living apart it was a case of using time wisely. This changed when we moved in together and experienced loss as mentioned before. We had an app but it didn’t turn into a timetable even as a analyst i didnt analyse it, so everything was sporadic and fun which took the pressure of us both.  Find Rich on Instagram

Manny Gonzalez -What makes the act of making a baby so difficult is the pressures. First the external ones. Like concerned in-laws who know you want to have a baby saying things to the effect of, “Oh you aren’t pregnant yet? Most couples would have succeed by now. Are you sure nothing is wrong?” Then the mental pressures kick in. You start analyzing yourself and your partner and really began to break down the act of making a baby. When we were trying for our second baby, at a certain point it became very scientific. We were researchers working in a lab  where the optimal conditions have to exist to achieve the desired results. And when we finally succeed, we tried not to get to excited, because there is still that chance that the experiment could fail.  We got discouraged when we miscarried the first time and decided “not to try so hard”.  We used an app to lightly track cycles and got pregnant, for good, four months later.  Find him on his Instagram

Steven Allen – When it came to “making the baby”, my then Fiancée and I expected problems. Knowing that she had P.C.O.S (polycystic ovarian syndrome) much like her elder sister who in turn had difficulty conceiving, we thought we’d be there a year later, no pregnancy and undergoing medical treatment to help our situation. I myself had a few doubts from my side of the family, miscarriages and stillbirths far too common, but I was reassured by my wife that it would most likely be her baby making facility that would come under scrutiny and not my little swimmers.
The first time unprotected wasn’t exactly the most enjoyable, things evidently being far more sensitive that I realised and I did worry about things downstairs on my part, I won’t go into detail but after a few tries things were far smoother (no pun intended) and it was all systems go!
It didn’t take long to think slightly less about the possible outcome and relax, enjoying the intimacy moreso, though we were still hopeful of conceiving. Ultimately, there was no schedule, quickies before work or robotic baby making, just a couple madly in love enjoying themselves.Against all odds and much to our shock, it was within a month that we got our positive result. Steve’s Instagram

Chima Amechi -My wife came off the pill on our wedding day and it made sex a bit more exciting knowing that she may fall pregnant on the back of it. We had an ovulation app and on the 3rd month of ‘trying’ which wasn’t too frequent, we decided to follow the app religiously just to see what happens. Quickies were involved and they felt quite wrong, weirdly. On the last day of her ovulation we had amazing sex. Then a quickie afterwards which we laughed through. Ironically, she thinks that quickie is what did the trick. Looking back, the sex was too structured: it felt like I had a job to do.  Read more from Chima on his great instagram

Andrew Weise -My wife had gone off birth control but it hadn’t been too too long after she’d gone off that we conceived by surprise. I suppose we were a bit careless but I imagine that our carefree attitude helped as far as the “naturalness” of conceiving. Find him on Instagram

More coming this week so stay tuned but for now why not give our first article in the series a read and if you know someone who you think may want to take part email me at me@thelondondad.com

1 Comment
    1. I was genuinely really excited to read this post as someone currently trying to conceive with my partner, and instantly thought it may be a good insight for us to reflect on/laugh about. However i can’t help but feel the tone of it overall suggests that there’s something wrong with ‘having to *properly* try’. The reality is, a larger number of couples will have to if they want to conceive (the fertility window is A LOT shorter than I ever imagined, perhaps a bit naïve of me), and that’s absolutely fine.

      As this does point out, it’s a rather stressful time what with all the constant questions, judgements of others etc. Let’s be careful not suggest there’s something wrong with people doing what they need to do to conceive, as ‘unnatural’ and robotic as this suggests, or demonise anxious women (or horrifying ‘militant wives’ as you quite harshly put it) for being cautious. A more balanced insight of experiences where people who tried to conceive over a longer period of time might be useful and less bias.

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