So You've Decided You Want a Baby ... Now What??
When you have made the decision (whatever it is) it can still scare you – honestly, I was scared shitless. Would I be good enough? Would they love me? Would we, as a family, be ok? And what if we had twins!? I think every parent has these questions rolling around in their minds between ‘the decision’ and ‘the birth’ but the point between ‘the decision’ and conception is a part of our journey that I found especially difficult. Making the decision to have a baby, but not being pregnant yet can be such an emotionally difficult time but it is often one of the most overlooked times. You aren’t pregnant but you have made the decision that you want to be pregnant, so what happens next?
Well you will have to ‘try’ for the baby, you might have immediate success, it might take a long time. There will be pregnancy tests, there might be ovulation tests, there might even be fertility tests.
Men shouldn’t find it harder to talk during this time but from my experience, they do. It was a time when I questioned my fertility – my manliness – and when sex, something that had been brilliant fun before we made that decision, suddenly felt so (for want of a better term) loaded. I know that Alice felt it too and I know that the miscarriage made it harder, there were so many questions we couldn’t answer and so many fears we were desperately trying to put to the back of our minds.
I don’t mean to be a downer on this time because, actually it can also be brilliant fun and is one of the most bonding experiences you will go through as a couple. The secret smiles, the wondering, the waiting, the anticipation. You have to try to be breezy about it, believe it will happen for you and enjoy making a baby with the person you love.
I am an optimist, but to quote a picture Alice showed me on Pinterest once; “I’m an optimist who carries an umbrella”. I believe that keeping in mind that these things often take time and are completely unpredictable and out of your control will keep you sane on the months when it hasn’t worked out. And make sure that you keep talking, tell each other how you’re feeling, you’ll probably find you are going through the exact same whirlwind of emotions and it’s so much easier to go through that together. Remember that you and your partner are your own little gang and you have to help each other through the tricky bits.